Success.

Success.

The fact that I'm sitting for my SPM in 35 days scares the living shit out of me. I've had sleepless nights studying and restlessly doing exercises to ensure that I'm ready. But as I'm preparing myself for the worst, I stumble across questions that I can never figure out and it hits me. 

'Will I ever be fully prepared?'

I will admit, I always wanted straight A's, but the more I think about life after SPM the more I ask myself 

' Do you really need this?'

And by life after SPM, I don't mean the freedom, the time I get to go out guilt free or when I don't have to count down the days I have left. No. I'm talking about my career. Not a job, career. 

Many can't differentiate between a job and a career. A job is work you do for money. A career however, is something you dream and aspire to be and do. I'm driven by the temptation to succeed, to reach my goals. I used to but no longer do I agree that my future is going to be determined by results.

By getting straight A's, do I get my revenge? On who or what? Trees? If I have what it takes to get straight A's, it will take everything I've got. But if I give my all into getting straight A's, what more would I have or even have left after? Success and nothing less, but isn't failure the road to success? 

I know I'm not the studious type, and I've had numerous talks from my parents and teacher about how this is going to determine my future, but I now believe that my dreams and determination to achieve my dreams is what's going to make me be successful in life, not results on a dinky piece of paper. 

As good as straight A's sounds, I'm not going to let results stand in my way and tell me what I can or cannot do, I refuse to believe that how many A's you get is how well you do in the future, it's utter bullshit.

Future self, I hope you will remember to always chase your dreams and to continue to work to achieve them in order to be successful. I hope that no matter what you get for SPM, you will remember that God will always be there to help you and that your results won't reflect life after that. Continue to push and hopefully succeed in what you desire to do. I hope you will one day have your own success story to share and will aspire others to chase their dreams as well.

Good luck SPMers, may these 35 days be used wisely.